My town, Winchester, MA, prides itself on its social justice initiatives and being a welcoming community for all. So, when I realized my sexuality and decided to come out to my friends, I was confident in being well-received. Sure, none of my friends were outwardly homophobic when I came out to them, but their reaction still caught me off guard.
Instead of responding with casual acceptance alongside loving reassurance, many of them reacted with overwhelming enthusiasm. They were cheering and making a big deal out of it, as if they were moments away from showering me in confetti and cueing the parade. Then, when I came out to my Mom she just said, “Okay, well I love you.” At first I felt underwhelmed. Yet, the more I sat with it the more I realized her calm response was actually what I had hoped for. It didn’t even phase her and that was the whole point. She accepted it as a natural part of myself, no different than my identity as a cis woman. So, the more I reflected on my friends, the more I realized that this exaggerated response was, in a way, a sign of non-acceptance.
True acceptance in a space means treating someone’s identity as “normal,” not as something remarkable. It felt like my friends were putting a spotlight on my identity, as if it were something rare or unusual. Their response, though well-intentioned, differentiated me from the group when I just wanted to be one of them, as my true self. Their reaction highlights a deeper issue within general allyship. People want to be seen as accepting, progressive, and socially aware, but in doing so, they sometimes overcompensate. By making a spectacle out of someone’s identity, they inadvertently signal that it is something that requires special recognition. Personally speaking, I just want my identity to be fully integrated into their perception of normalcy.
Ironically, the people who over-celebrated my coming out were often the same ones who saw Winchester as a fully accepting town, a place where inclusivity was a given. But true inclusivity doesn’t require a standing ovation; it requires normalization. When someone comes out and the reaction is as simple as “Cool, thanks for sharing,” that is real acceptance. It acknowledges without sensationalizing, embraces without exaggerating, and, most importantly, allows people to simply be. Real support is consistent acceptance that doesn’t need to be performed, because it is already assumed.
No Comments.