Nothing prepares you for a breakup, especially one you weren’t expecting. I find myself pointing fingers, nitpicking everything that went wrong, and worst of all, replaying our final moments together over and over again in my head. It’s not just our final moments because I live with every moment of us.
When you love someone, you become blinded by it. Their actions are no longer wrong because the good outweighs the bad. I have a list of everything bad, but within that bad, there were years of good.
When I close my eyes, I see us, sitting in the dim light of your apartment, laughing our asses off over something that wasn’t even funny. When I close my eyes, I am taken back to the road trip we went on when we first started dating. Neither of us checked our phones unless it was to change the music. We talked for the full eight-hour ride; my hands played with your hair, and your hand sat on my knee. In that moment, I felt like I could do this for the rest of my life.
When I close my eyes, I see the camping trip we went on. Just us. We were completely isolated from the rest of the world. Together we visited places that I never thought I’d get to go to. Together we shared moments that no one else would understand.
When I close my eyes, I see all of the times you promised me something. All the times you promised me we would work out. All of the times you promised you’d stand by me if I ever needed anything. All of the times you promised me all of your love. I hate myself for it.
I don’t understand how you could see every moment we've spent together and still choose to break your promises. You could barely recall what we had done last week, let alone recall an important moment we spent together or words you said that meant so much to me. I remember you telling me that you weren’t ever going to romanticise our relationship the way I had tried.
Maybe that's because these moments and promises were never actually yours, only mine.
Written by Anonymous
Edited by Julia Brummell and Daria Shepelavy
Graphic by Allie Ewbank
Published by studio412.site in Blog
Everyone has seen or heard the word “whimsy” throughout the last year. Its popularity growing and trending throughout social media platforms. But why this specific trend? Why do we find ourselves commodifying this singular word into an action or movement in our lives?
Whimsy, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is playful or fanciful behavior, idea or humor, that is driven by imagination rather than reason.
This is very important, “driven by imagination rather than reason.” How many times in your life have you done something just to do it. When did you last act, not for a means to an end, not for a grade or praise, but out of pure enjoyment and desire.
This is a problem I find myself, as well as many others in our generation struggling with, a lack of desire, or rather a lack of pursuit of these desires.
We have forgotten as a society how to love the process.
Whether through school, family, or work, all the stress we face makes life harder, inevitably changing our goals from those of work to leisure to simple entertainment (Notably TikTok or reels). Allowing us to further bury our pursuits and trade them for short term gain because at the end of the long school or workday, that is all we have the energy for.
So why is it that we search for whimsy. Is it the freedom that we allow ourselves? Under this word and subsequent following actions, we allow ourselves to be driven by our desires and leave society no room to question us.
It is a safety blanket to our actions. A use of leisure time that isn’t mindless entertainment or a means to an end/production. And it became so popular as a break from society, a new facet of freedom to live under, the escape everyone was looking for.
So, throw caution to the wind, instead of scrolling the night away, take a walk, call that friend, or do a craft. Not because you need to, but because the process will bring you joy. Start new hobbies and build new habits.
Be driven to act for yourself, as the love for these new things will bleed love into your life and act without reason for the simple joy of it, because you deserve it.
Written by Suha Rockwell
Edited by Julia Brummell and Daria Shepelavy
Graphic by Giulia Mauro
Published by studio412.site in Blog
S412 Fashion
Column 05
Dearest readers,
The submissions we received and photos we took in the past week were just so perfect!! We couldn’t think of any better way to bring them to life than to revive the iconic J-14 Magazine, probably many of our introductions into the world of FANDOM!
J-14 was a monthly magazine for pre-teens and teenagers, featuring celebrity gossip, fashion, quizzes, and more, that launched in 1998. Unfortunately discontinued in 2024, J-14, along with a general decline in magazine publications, made us wonder if there is any space left for teen style media. The cultural gap between children and teens is widening, young girls especially are affected by this continuing shift. Play makeup and My Little Pony is replaced with salicylic acid and YouTube reels. (It’s not all doom, though. They still have KATSEYE.)
Something that still gives us hope is WYouth, a new print and social media magazine by W. Their first print came out in September, and it will publish biannually. The idea for the magazine came from the modern lack of media aimed for preteens, and their first promotional material was based on what celebrities like Dominic Fike, Tyler the Creator, Sofia Coppola, and Justin Bieber were doing when they were kids and teenagers. Their first publication had Chari XCX interviewed by Clairo, Romy Mars with puppies, Chase Infiniti, Chloë Sevigny and more. I hope it revives some of the spirit of J-14, which no matter how blinding to look at entertained me so much as a kid.
For this week's blog, we’re looking back at our obsessions from past to present, and giving you the teen mag experience one last time.
BIEBER FEVER
By Sophia
Justin Bieber is the first celebrity I remember being a FAN of. Sitting on my mom’s computer as a child, I was consumed by JB music videos, interviews, parodies and memes, really just anything I could find with my limited tech skills. Nothing particularly drew me to him, besides his signature purple and the fact that a lot of my friends liked him. Showing off my magazines and merchandise was a highlight of my childhood, I even had a Justin Bieber toothbrush.
Attending S412 last week, I learned that many of you had a similar obsession. Liv went to see him on tour, and Madds got to MEET HIM!!!
Story from Madds (@madds.alley): My mom worked in radio for the majority of her career. She was the host of the morning show at various stations across central Pennsylvania. In the Early 2000s she worked at FM97, and artists would go on radio tours to promote their new music. When Justin Bieber was promoting what I think was his first album, he did a tour that stopped at my mom’s station. I have no idea why she brought me that day, I probably didn’t have preschool or something.
I remember there being a ton of teen girls lined up to see him, and I was on the other side of the room coloring on the floor. When he got there everyone started freaking out because you know, it’s prime Justin Bieber you gotta. My mom says that he apparently noticed that his options on what to do were to entertain screaming teens, talk to the adults, or hang out with me. Apparently he chose to color with me. At one point, entirely to get a rise out of the fans, he jokingly started trying to ask me to be his “girlfriend”. I apparently ignored him multiple times, and then proceeded to yell no at him and make him color with me again or something.
Bieber Expertise from Sophia Carithers…
Justin kind of fell off for me by the time I left second grade. Little me was horrified when I saw that he was arrested for egging a house. My JB cardboard cutout was quickly donated, mainly because it really scared me at night.
However, Justin Bieber has become a trend setter in other ways in modern day fandom. His relationship with his wife, Hailey, brings in a lot of attention and scrutiny, and I hear his voice on my TikTok at least twice a day. It’s not clocking to you that he’s standing on business!! His Coachella set in April reached 64.9 million views in just 12 hours, becoming the most-Googled and most-streamed performance in Coachella history. In the 90 minute set, the first time Bieber had performed in the U.S. since 2022, he scrolled through his laptop, took song requests from fans, and screened footage of his most viral moments throughout his 19-year career. He played his 2012 hit, Beauty and A Beat, and it landed at #1 on the Worldwide Apple Music Song Chart following Coachella, the first time this 14 year old song has been #1. Bieber has proved to be a standout in fandom culture, even through his ups and downs you can truly never cool down Bieber Fever!
I C Ur shorts
By Lee ⋆☆｡
The 2020’s saw a rise in popularity for many things – brainrot, Love Island and indie rock. One very special standout was Phoebe Bridgers. Although at this point her career has spanned over a decade, with her bridging into other art mediums such as film (Primetime 2026) , Bridgers has been one of the leading voices of indie and we are simply Never Going Back!
Between the formation of Boygenius, multiple tours, grammy nominations and a recent album, Phoebe has also been releasing some pretty cute merchandise, such as these shorts!!! And you know what Blake, ICU! Sophomore Blake Torster is spotted here in these adorable shorts, similar to the Juicy Couture bottoms of the 90s and early 2000s, sporting the singer and actresses’ name instead. Bought at a show at Asbury Park, New Jersey, this special beach show was quite a standout for the attendees. Although Blake has seen Bridger’s twice, this spot was especially special not only as the place where he purchased these beautiful shorts, but the stop where she performed Waiting Room, one of my own personal favorites. So many things to be jealous of! We’re in Love with these shorts!!!
☠︎︎ Q&A With Lee and Blake ☠︎︎
Q: For you, what was the best song she performed?
A: The best song was Moon Song because it was a full moon.
Q: Did she perform anything else that stood out to you?
A: She also did a cover of Stolen Car by Bruce Springsteen because it was
at the Stone Pony, which is where Springsteen started his career.
Q: Out of all the merchandise, what made you drawn to these shorts?
A: I chose the shorts because of the writing on the back. I don’t have any shorts like that so I wanted to have a standout piece in my closet. I also loved the skulls on it.
Q: Was there anything else from the tour that you wish you got?
A: Honestly, another pair of the shorts because I’m scared of these getting ruined one day.
Q: Where do you wear the shorts the most?
A: I usually wear those shorts the most around the house or to the gym simply because of how comfortable they are. They are so light and the material is super soft.
Blake Torster STUNS in his Phoebe Shorts, as I’m spotted admiring.
Photographs by Audrey
FANDO-MAN-IA With Marlowe and Julia
Nobody I know reads more comics than Marlowe and Julia. Julia is partial to DC comics, particularly Batman. She just finished a Teen Titans omnibus, or, a single volume that combines numerous separate works into one book. She got into Batman and DC comics in childhood, when she watched the Batman animated series with her dad. Marlowe, on the other hand, prefers manga but she and Julia both watch anime, like Neon Genesis Evanagelion. Both girls love rock music as well, and went together to see Stone Temple Pilots over this past summer. Originally, Marlowe’s top three bands were Alice in Chains, Nirvana, and Soundgarden, but when Julia started talking about STP, she quickly urged me to replace soundgarden on her list. Julia likes rock music just as much, but is especially passionate about the Beatles. (Her favorite member is George, for anyone wondering.)
I asked Marlowe and Julia if being in fandoms with male dominated audiences had disillusioned them. Neither of them said they were deterred, but both gave me insight. Marlowe told me that at a lot of metal shows, in the pit, a lot of guys will go just to hit girls or to start a fight– that it can get scary. That as a girl, sometimes you just want to have fun and be in the pit!! She did say though, that some shows have started to have girls-only push pits as a way to get around the issue. Julia told me that within comics, especially American comics, the protagonist, stories, and audience are almost always male and the story will often fail the Bechdel Test. Vintage comics in particular are notorious for their sexism, in which female characters act as if they’ve been “lobotomized”, because no girl in real life would make their choices. In Teen Titans comics, Starfire (who Julia asserts as the most powerful in the group aside from Raven), falls in love with Robin and is obsessed with him even though Robin treats her badly. Male self-insert characters are noted as a nuisance as well. On the brighter side, Neon Genesis Evangelion was brought up again after this topic as an example of a show with lots of complex female characters– going along with the show’s theme of nuance in human identity.
Both Julia and Marlowe gave me a tour of their shared room with posters all over the walls, a DVD/VCR player, a vinyl setup, and a totally expansive physical media collection. If there are any fangirls, these two are definitely True Blue.
Let’s Do the Time Warp Again!
Genevieve and Ayla (@emo_granola_ & @aayla.torress)
Genevieve saw RHPS for the first time in 2025, in the Music Box Theater in Chicago. It was 420 themed.
Last year, Genevieve brought Alya to her first show, the JCCP at the Rowhouse Hollywood.
The Rocky Horror Picture show (1975) is the longest running release in theatrical history. Since its release it has attracted a cult following where fans give themselves over to absolute pleasure. Each October, it brings back the same following alongside a new generation of film-lovers and weirdos, becoming a tradition to revisit Frankenfurter’s castle.
I was introduced to RHPS by my mom when I was 13. She brought me to a local showing, at the Pajama Factory in Williamsport, and I’ve attended almost every year since. Last year, I wasn’t able to go to my show back home, which made me quite sad. I went to a few shows around here, but they just weren’t quite the same as the stage show that introduced me to Rocky Horror.
After attending for the first time, I made all my friends watch the movie, and the next Halloween they came with me to see it live at the Pajama Factory. In middle and early high-school, it was my favorite night of the year. My friends and I were able to dress as weird, flashy, and queer as we wanted without really standing out at all, besides our age compared to the rest of the audience.
This year, me and my friends are going to be Columbia, Frankenfurter, and Magenta for Halloween. My best friend from home, Caitlyn, who saw Rocky Horror with me for the first time in 2023, will be Magenta. My friend Blake, who I brought to see it for the first time last year, will be Dr. Frankenfurter, a perfect tribute to Tim Curry after he passed away in August. This has been my dream costume since I was 13, I love seeing the fandom expand as I introduce the film to my friends. Growing up and getting to see the film’s continuous impact in fashion, pop culture, and my personal life as I watch all my friends fall in love with it, has brought back the excitement I felt when I first sat in front of that stage. While I have a loving and accepting community now, one that I dreamed of when I was young, it’s like doing the Time Warp brings me back into my 13 year old self, and it always feels as freeing as it was the first time.
Written by Sofia Carithers, Lee Williams, and Audrey Srebotnik
A girl’s relationship with her father is often examined and scrutinized by the outside world. If it’s good, then you’re “daddy’s little girl”, if it's bad, then you have “daddy issues” and if you’ve done anything that would allow you to be deemed a slut in any way, shape or form then it’s considered “fatherless behavior”. The truth is, however, a relationship between a child and a parent – good or bad, and regardless of gender – will always be too complicated to boil down to 2 or 3 relatively condescending words.
I am my father’s daughter. I may look like a spitting image of my mother, as I’ve been told my whole life, but it’s my father who is really to blame for who I am. Niche music taste, embarrassingly strong opinions on Star Wars, and a lethal daily caffeine intake - truly insufferable combinations in certain crowds and all of which are aspects of my personality and life that I can attribute to my father. See, my dad is an artsy punk rock weirdo with too many colors in his wardrobe and an affinity for hats that are borderline embarrassing. He hates sports and rap and despite liking nature and camping, I don’t think he’s ever picked up a fishing rod. All in all, not your stereotypical “White American Dad.”
Like I said, I was always told how similar I was to him, especially compared to my sister, something I never wanted to hear as a kid. What young girl wants to be compared to their dad? I mean, looking back, I was - and still am - a lot like him.
When I started high school and was exposed to things like drinking and smoking, especially in abundance, he sat me down and gave me a speech. He told me that it was clear that I had the same addictive personality that he had, which meant I had to be mindful when consuming various substances. He told me all about his decades long smoking problem that he didn’t quit until after my sister and I were born. (For the record: He was about 4 ½ years too early to warning me off nicotine, I didn’t have a problem until college, when his speech wasn’t more than a mere memory and a fun anecdote). About 2 years later, at a memorial service for an uncle I barely knew–and barely liked–my sister found out that our dad smoked and I found out she never received the same speech I did. It was in that moment that I realized that I truly took after my father in a way that she didn’t.
Maybe it’s a product of his time, but whenever serious topics come up the tension in the room intensifies. He can’t handle mental health discussions or strong emotions. It’s not an example of “men don’t cry” syndrome or being too manly – he’s definitely not that. It’s more that he doesn’t know how to talk about stuff like that or respond when other people do. He pushes the emotions down and expects others to do the same. So avoiding emotions and trauma was a hereditary inevitability for me. I’ve been in therapy for over 4 years now and yet I still hold things back from the person I pay to fix me. He is probably undiagnosed with a lot of the same things that I’m recently discovering I have. He is learning about all these different mental health things – illnesses, solutions and discussions – at the same time as me, unfortunately he’s 40 years older and his frontal lobe has developed two times over.
I’d like to preface this next bit by clarifying that my father has never been physically abusive and never laid a finger on me, my mother nor my sister. That said, he has a temper. He’d yell and scream and make me cry. He’d flip out easily and need time to cool off. So it’s really no wonder that I get the same way. Again except for the occasional shove towards my sister or smacking my (older, male) cousin, I’ve never physically lashed out. But I get annoyed and angry quickly. And I never know how to handle it when it happens. The amount of times that I’ve snapped at my parents or spoken in such a way that they deemed disrespectful and that caused my dad to fly off the handle is too many to count right now. I would never say it to his face and risk him getting upset about it but my unnecessary aggression and intense reaction is almost definitely a result of his reactions being the same way so often.
If you ask him a question, he will answer in the longest way possible. If you ask him to tell you a story, you’ll hear about 6 different ones in the midst of the larger one. So naturally, I talk and talk. I need everyone to hear what’s on my mind and what happened today. I’ll beat the same dead horse over and over again because I like my rehearsed and perfected anecdotes. He uses unnecessarily big words, so I do too. He tells a story so animatedly and excited, you’d think you were there with him. I like to think it’s how I talk and write as well. I always make fun of him for these things claiming that no one wants to hear him go on a long tangent about his “adventures” at the grocery store and that he needs to get to his point quicker. Yet, here I am writing a long winded piece about how me and my daddy are similar while using long words and unnecessary details, so hypocrites for 500 Alex!
So to refer back to my first point, I am neither “Daddy’s little girl” nor do I have “Daddy issues.” I am a complex human being with a difficult, sometimes strained, sometimes great, relationship with another complex human being who just so happened to raise me.
I love my dad. There’s really no one else who has the same nerdy niches as me. He is the reason I am who I am. He is the only person who truly understands me but he’s also the one person who I don’t think I can talk about it with. He’s funny, charming and cool. He’s embarrassing, annoying and difficult. He’s my father. And despite the fact that it’s both a blessing and a curse, I am his daughter.
Written by Daria Shepelavy
Edited by Julia Brummell
Graphic by Allie Ewbank
Published by studio412.site in Blog
S412 Fashion Blog 04
Dearest Readers,
Photographing all of your FAB outfits this week gave us hope for the fashionable future.
Sophie, majoring in Accounting
@s.c.einfeldt
S: Sophie is always the sweetest, and she always looks so casually stylish. I love seeing what she wears everyday!!!!
A: The combination of Sophie’s tights and frilly socks is just so evocative of the 90’s for me. Her soft curls frame her face well. Those platform Mary Janes mean business–and accounting!
Jackson, majoring in Physics and Astronomy
@jvxckson
A: Jackson’s work boots paired with his Polo Ralph Lauren quarter zip feel harmonious– especially so with the early autumn weather.
S: I am never not blown away by Jackson’s outfits. He has the cutest, most recognizable personal style. I can spot Jackson’s jorts from a mile away.
Jo, majoring in Classics History and Economics
@jo.howell007
S: I was instantly drawn to Jo’s leopard print pants and the matching belt.
A: I thought Jo’s necklaces were perfect for this outfit and match with the belt so
well.
Ari, majoring in Ecology
@arivaralakshm1
A: Ari’s ensemble features many organic-looking fabrics and reminds me of some kind of woodland creature. The skinny tie, drop necklace and fur coat really tie the look together.
S: Ari looks absolutely stunning!! I hope she is locking her windows at night because I am coming for that coat….
Noah, majoring in Public Health
@noah.ovb
S: Noah is a true Depop warrior! He always finds the most awesome graphic tees that fit him perfectly. He is an expert at elevating the basics.
A: Noah’s cowboy boot/bolo tie combination will always be recognizable to me. Public Health is one fashionable major.
Allison and Maria, majoring in Finance and Business Analytics
@allisonlewis16 & @mariaxnino
S: I gasped out loud when I saw Allison and Maria coming in their matching coats and sunglasses. They said the twinning was unplanned–I guess it’s just the Finance and Business Analytics uniform. And what a fab uniform it is!!
A: This pair means business. Cool and collected in sunglasses with gleaming gold hoops, normcore makes a triumphant comeback.
Faith and Madeline
@faithsoisson & @madeline.sherk
S: I really love Faith and Madeline’s accessories! Faith’s silver rings and belt mixed with the maroon make her look so academic!
A: The pearlescent buttons really excite me, and I love a matching set. The headband feels practical but still pulls interest with the metal grommets.
Until next time ᯓ★ express your true self, and get that degree!
Written by Sophia Carithers and Audrey Srebotnik
S412 Fashion Blog 03
⋆.˚✮AUDREY｡✴︎˚｡⋆
Dearest Readers,
I guess I’m going to say it. I prefer the retired navy and gold Pitt used to employ as its color scheme. I just think it looks so much more dignified. I prefer the retro-looking logos instead of the modern yellow panther mascot we have now (which looks nothing like Roc, but the old ones don’t either). I have to say, though, despite my distaste for the blue and gold color combination, my favorite panther of all time is the secondary logo from 1959 that appeared on the cover of the 1959 football media guide:
I think he’s perfect. His late 50s mod design has charm, and his image is in motion and dynamic. He’s well proportioned and geometrically balanced. This panther is familiar, friendly and approachable! Smiling whether he wins or loses!
Another favorite of mine is this panther that looks more like a cougar, used from 1966 to 1972. His snarling face is turned ¾ to the right and he’s the only panther in Pitt’s history to use neither blue or gold in the design. While not necessarily symbolic of Pitt, I think this particular artistic rendition is the best looking roaring panther we’ve had.
Compared to this panther head used from 1977 to 1987, the brown panther seems much more representative of an actual panther, while this one looks like some sort of bobcat.
I really enjoy this alternate logo used from around 1970-1976. While I think the ‘PITT’ text on his hide is a bit on the nose, I like his stance and classic golden
coloring.This version of the panther logo from 2006 is a modified version of the first navy and gold panther designed in 1997. The modification was an attempt to give the old design a sleeker look. However, all of the contour lines in this composition are confusing and don’t give much dimension to the design at all. Although I will admit I prefer the navy and gold color scheme, this iteration of the modern navy panther just
looks like a dog.
Finally, the panther we all know today was designed in 2017 after Pitt commissioned the Nike Global Identity Group to update the team colors and logo for athletic apparel. It may not be the worst of the bunch, but I find this logo simplistic and lacking in character.
The current panther logo looks much better, in my opinion, edited with the old navy and gold colorway.
S412’s Guilia and Andie sport different variations of Pitt’s ever-changing color combo.
⋆˚SOPHIA ˚꩜｡⋆
Truthfully, this week’s theme has been a bit of a struggle for me. I’m just not a huge fan of Pitt’s current blue and gold color combo. It’s often a huge effort for me to try and style my Pitt merch in a way where the bright yellow doesn’t make my skin tone look almost grey. When I walk around campus and see traces of the old Pitt colors, the navy and yellow ( which I feel looks a lot more like gold), I feel a bit jealous of the Panthers of the early 2000s who saw that color scheme daily.
It turns out though, that from 1997-2019 when these were our school's colors, they were widely hated. The rebrand was intended to upgrade the schools image after a rough losing streak in the 90s. But when the DinoCat was unveiled, the Pittsburgh Post Gazette released an article entitled “Pitt’s not it.” Many students and community members felt the rebrand only emphasized the school's struggles.
While this may be true, I can’t help but love the DinoCat, and I am always drawn to designs that include him. I frequently see DinoCat at thrift stores and vintage pop up events, with local artists like Pitt alum @elcon_threads collecting and using it in his designs. While this logo was
only around for about eight years, it has definitely been solidified as one of Pitt’s most iconic images.
I can’t help but wonder if Audrey and I’s disdain for the current logo and color is a continuation of a long pattern of discourse amongst Pitt’s community. Whilst neighboring schools like Duquesne and Carnegie Mellon have kept their symbols, crest and colors (such as the iconic D and CMU plaid) relatively the same over the past century, Pitt’s constant change in their marketing and merchandise introduces the question of whether the Panthers will ever see a logo and color combination that pleases them. Although we may not agree, seeing students, faculty and yinzers show Pitt pride through different variations of Roc and different shades of the blue and gold (which used to be silver), we see the range in style and preference on campus, allowing school pride to be aligned with one's own personal fashion sense.
Enjoy this gameday outfit inspiration while we wonder if we’ll ever settle on a logo everyone likes.
Until next time ᯓ★ express your true self, and hail to Pitt.
Written by Sophia Carithers and Audrey Srebotnik
Sometimes I feel like I’m trapped in a junk drawer. You know, that place in your kitchen that you kind of just throw random things in? Some scissors you don’t feel like bringing back upstairs. A few pencils or paper clips that are used only once in a while, collecting dust in that dark space. That one report card from middle school that your parents for some reason never threw away. Or like, a photograph of your fifth grade softball card that you hide in there, hating the way your tucked uniform accentuated that little soft spot on your stomach. Okay, that might be a little specific…but you get the idea. The infamous “junk drawer” that almost every household has somewhere—easy access to those random items but far enough to be able to forget about them.
There are days where I feel like I’m a part of that medley of items. I am those pairs of scissors, not where I am supposed to be. Like I’m waiting for the moment where I feel at home. Or those paper clips–taken advantage of by that certain boy who has so much power over me. Taking me out and using me whenever it’s convenient for him, only to be thrown back into the junk drawer when it’s not. Relatable right? Gosh, men can really suck.
But there’s also a another side to being in a junk drawer. You’re counted on. You’re relied on by others. My mom doesn’t go all the way upstairs when she needs a pen because she knows there's one in the junk drawer. It’s so unbelievably weird to feel simultaneously counted on yet taken for granted. Even the name “Junk Drawer” is contradictory. It implies all the items in the drawer are useless, yet each and every thing has a purpose.
Perhaps that’s the tragedy of the junk drawer: people assume the things in it are junk. But in reality, being tucked away doesn’t make something “junk”, it just means people forget how much they need it until it’s gone.
Written by Alyssa Valdivia
Edited by Avery Polinsky and Daria Shepelavy
Graphic by Sophia Carithers
Published by studio412.site in Blog
Last year, I moved into a new apartment, into a very small room with one small window. I spend most of my time sitting on my bed, window open, reading, journaling, and watching the sunset and the city skyline. It also opens up to my apartment complex’s parking lot. Said parking lot is home to many pregames, parties, and mixers, keeping me awake - not that I mind; as a nosy person, one of my favorite pastimes is eavesdropping.
One Friday night, last semester, a group of guys was topping off their big night out at the bars by chain-smoking with a side of political debate. Between their coughing fits after each puff, they so diplomatically asserted that they would never trust a woman to be president. I froze for a moment, astonished that what I knew so many guys around me thought, they felt so comfortable and sure saying out loud. I am not naive to shared looks between men when my friends and I bring up politics; what I can see playing behind their eyes and twitching the corners of their mouths into a smirk, signifying they can apparently “see beyond the guise” of women in power and I’m blinded by the frenzy of feminism. My shock began to slowly turn to anger. How can these boys say such a thing with such ease, matter-of-factness, and arrogance, completely unbothered that their words could be overheard by those who have experienced the adversity they’ve never even considered? They remain completely confident in their ability to retain their friends, girlfriends, job, and reputations after saying that. And they probably will.
There is no pretty way to tie this up. And I know my efforts in this essay are probably fruitless. I doubt a man will be scrolling through Studio 412 blog looking for some light reading and clicking on an essay about suffrage, but if he does, I know it will probably be interrupted by mockingly showing his friends some token lines taken out of context. But there is no happy ending, except for them. They can waltz through life, expressing their half-regurgitated views, protected by the haze of their cigarette smoke. The barrier they have created has made them seem untouchable, and therefore whatever they say is seen as gold by those in their circle.
I’d like to think of myself as an optimistic person. Extremely optimistic. However, when it comes to this, their words snuffed out my light. Maybe it is because my parents raised me on the sounds of what we coined as “angry divorcee music.” Maybe having my dad play Alanis Morissette's “All I Really Want” on car rides back from YMCA play rehearsal instilled these feminist values and lit a fire under me in this way. It is hard to form this type of anger into words that might make a difference or have any sort of impact. The audience that this would be directed toward would just as soon blame any sort of offense I took from this on my menstrual cycle and estrogen levels. The message has to be calculated and watered down, insulting my own intelligence just to be given the chance to be heard.
More recently, I did pick a fight with a man who tried to tell me that modern-day sexism didn’t exist, and if it did, we shouldn’t care because there is nothing we can do to fix it. This made me stop and check myself, and, of course, him. I thought back to all the waves of feminism that resulted in policy changes for women. I mainly cited the suffragette movement and the Seneca Falls Convention, explaining how they brought forth the 19th Amendment, none of which he had ever heard of. Looking at how far we have come, only to still be stuck so far behind. Looking at all the work previous generations of women have put in, only to be shot down by drunk college boys proclaiming their “emotions” make them unfit for office, and tuning out the suffrage lesson in their history courses.
In some ways, that boy was right; sexism will always be around. However, we can always and must always fight against it, using the movements of the past to inspire future change.
Written by Clare Flanigan
Edited by Ashley O'Doherty and Julia Brummell
Graphic by Nora
Published by studio412.site in Blog
I have heard a million times that “a woman's intuition is her strongest asset,” but what I didn’t expect was how true this statement would prove to be and the influence it would have on my life.
There’s a strange shift in your body after you’ve trusted the wrong person too many times. Around 16, I started noticing this uneasy sort of feeling in my stomach when someone said something that did not feel quite right. There would be a certain off-putting energy in the air in conversations with people I had grown up with or partners that were so longstanding that I couldn’t imagine life without them.
I started moving through my day-to-day life with hesitation–the kind you don’t notice until you catch yourself analyzing body language, thinking about conversations that happen in rooms you weren’t in, and putting more emphasis on what someone doesn’t say than what they do.
More times than I can recall, my intuition has taken me to new heights and helped me escape harmful situations before I knew where they would lead. It has told me when to walk away, when to ask questions, and when something was not meant for me–even when I could not yet explain why. For a long time, I thought this instinct was a weakness that made me overly cautious or too sensitive. I wondered whether I was overthinking, being too dramatic, or feeling the need to give people the benefit of the doubt despite every alarm in my body was going off.
I have learned that intuition does not always arrive as a clear answer. It is the pause before sending a text, the sudden urge to leave a party, the feeling that something has changed in a friendship, or the realization that you are constantly making excuses for someone else’s behavior.
It is the little voice in your head that tells you to get out before you have all the evidence to explain why.
As women, we are often told from a young age to question our instincts; to be polite, forgiving, and avoid being difficult. We are taught to second-guess the uneasy feeling in our stomach because we do not want to be wrong. There is something incredibly empowering and comforting about learning to trust yourself and your instincts. It taught me that I no longer have to wait until I am hurt to know when something does not feel right. I urge every woman to learn to trust that quiet voice within her—the one that knows her worth, recognizes when something is wrong, and reminds her that she is never too much. Our intuition is not something to fear or dismiss; it is a strength that has been within us all along, only now we choose to hear and listen to it.
Written by Avery Polinsky
Edited by Alyssa Valdivia and Daria Shepelavy
Graphic by Allison Ewbank
Published by studio412.site in Blog