For the past year and nine months, my relationship with my boyfriend has taught me so much about myself and how I navigate life. 

Although the honeymoon phase of my relationship has worn off, the awe of being loved by someone hasn’t. Every day I look forward to seeing my boyfriend, and I am always willing to drop all to help him with whatever he needs because I know that he would do the same for me. 

But, slowly, I noticed that I had started to center my relationship around being perfect for him, and not the actual connection between us. 

Most days when I woke up in the morning, I got ready thinking, “What would a girlfriend wear?” When I went grocery shopping, I thought of meals that I know he would like, even if it’s not something I would typically eat, and numerous times throughout the day, I would text, call, or even just wonder what he’s doing.

At first, I thought nothing of this. Habits shift when you're in a relationship, but what I thought was consideration was turning into clinginess. I started to become insecure about myself. That's when I began to wonder, “When did I lose myself in my own relationship?”

Before my boyfriend, I had never dated anyone– I had never even had a semi-successful talking stage, so when we started dating, I created this idea of “the perfect girlfriend,” and she was who I aspired to be. The so-called selfless things I was doing for him were fueled by my own insecurities. He’s never asked me to make him dinner, but in my mind, the perfect girlfriend knows how to cook (something that I am terrible at). He doesn’t ask me to help him tidy his room, but in my mind, the perfect girlfriend offers. He doesn’t ask me to pick him over my friends, but in my mind, the perfect girlfriend chooses her boyfriend above all. 

Sure, being in a relationship changes other things in your life, too, but being “the perfect girlfriend” became my whole personality, and it wasn’t something he had ever asked of me. It's cheesy, but I wanted so badly to be the girl that you take home to your family for the holidays or the girl that you buy flowers for every Friday, that I forgot who I am, what I stand for, and how to be content with myself. 

Although it took a while, I started to remember that he knew me before I was a girlfriend. When I was just me, dressing in what I wanted to wear in the morning, never offering to cook a meal for anyone, and especially not trying to be perfect for a man. I can’t create an unrealistic expectation for myself because, at the end of the day, he fell in love with me, not “the perfect girlfriend.”