My brother, Nicholas, started to tolerate me 2 years ago. Before that, I was the snitch younger sister who would run to my parents over the smallest of arguments. If you have an older brother, you understand the complex situation at hand. They humble you, insult you, and say possibly the most horrific one-liners that will haunt you at all the wrong moments. A sibling relationship will hurt you; he is probably one of the only people who has seen the cruelest side of me through our epic screaming matches where we both end up with tears and somehow a larger ego than we had before the match. We have seen each other at low points: he slacked off in high school and lied to my parents, and I have had my fair share of tantrums and selfish moments.
I could tell a stranger on the street my entire life story from birth and would expect it to be reciprocated, whereas my brother has just started telling me stories from when he was in eighth grade. He’s private and reserved, shy and cautious. I’m loud and obnoxious, simply a younger sibling with a need to be the center of attention.
For a long time, I longed for an older sister. Most of my friends have sisters and their bond with them seems unlike any other. As I spent more time with my brother over the pandemic and in the moments he was back from college, I have grown out of that want, maybe even becoming jealous of my brother as I watched him from afar.
I’ve grown up with him, I’ve seen his weird phases of using an absurd amount of gel in his hair and being a bit obsessed with Eminem. But unfortunately for me, through those phases, I always looked up to him. I always believed he was the coolest and had the most eclectic group of friends and interests. When he eventually went to college, it felt as if someone who guided me through parts of high school was gone and I had to create new experiences for myself that would allow me to be half as cool.
During the separation, we would be the closest we’ve ever been, I would call him crying over a situation while he gave me a brutal tough love speech, which was NOT necessarily what I needed at the moment. When he would call, it would only be to force me to listen to a new album or watch a TV show that would apparently alter my perspective on life. As much as I hate him for it now, most of my entertainment is heavily influenced by him. I have fond memories of us being in my room listening to the BROCKHAMPTON trilogy while he described the details of each of the songs. He has always wanted to share all of his very well-thought-out ideas with me on any topic and I think that’s beautiful.
After one of our biggest fights ever, which of course I can’t remember what about, we discussed how we would get along for the rest of the summer since we were both home. It clicked to me, and somewhat him, that a sibling relationship is turbulent. It will continue to have its highs and lows because we know that we are always going to be present in each other's lives even when one of us is going through a moody phase; and in all fairness, it would most likely be me.
No Comments.